This is my favorite icon.  It used to be displayed in the vestibule at my church, St. Augustine Catholic Church (Oakland, CA).  I have literally spent years (intermittently) searching the Internet for this image so I can post it.  I love this icon because of its biblical source, and because it reminds all of us of the Universal nature of Christianity.  This icon is beautiful as art, and compelling as catechetical object.

One of the things that a liberator does is speak truth to power.  That I found this icon close to the anniversary of the assassination of Chauncey Bailey makes it doubly meaningful to me.  Chauncey Bailey (1949-2007), was a reporter and editor at the Oakland Post at the time of his murder. Read more about the journalist Chauncey Bailey and his murder here.  Catholic reporter remembered on anniversary of murder.  In the aftermath of his death, Mr. Bailey’s professional colleagues and local journalism students out of remorse, guilt, and the late-coming recognition of a great story took up his cause and have been investigating his murder and the unseemly business enterprise at the heart of his death in the form of the Chauncey Bailey Project.  Tribute organization works story in memoriam.

Mr. Bailey was definitely speaking truth to corrupt power in the days before his death.  The Oakland business/organized crime enterprise that was Your Black Muslim Bakery was a powerful force in black culture, politics and economics for years.  One of the disturbing aspects of Mr. Bailey’s murder and aftermath is how deep the criminality of Your Black Muslim Bakery, how wide their influence in the African-American political class, and the neglect of their criminality by the more powerful news media outlets of the San Francisco/Oakland Bay Area. 

In fact, it is this neglect of Your Black Muslim Bakery by the San Francisco Chronicle, Oakland Tribune, KQED TV and radio, KPFA radio, East Bay Express, or San Francisco Bay Guardian that probably lead indirectly to Mr. Bailey’s death.  Let me explain.  Mr. Bailey as editor of the decidedly downscale Oakland Post had decided that Your Black Muslim Bakery’s reign of criminality, corruption, and terror should be exposed.  He began investigating and publishing charges of statutory rape, corruption, felonious rape, financial misconduct with government grant funds, that had been hinted at for nearly a decade.  The Bey family (father and son) had been agate type in family court matters, police blotters, or tangential names in the rise of local politicians.  The local news media should had taken their responsibilities of public service seriously and spent as much time and effort on this story as they did on Barry Bonds (yes I am talking about SF Chroniclereporters Fainaru-Wada & Williams) or personal rivalries and jealousies in the SF City Hall.  Where were you Matier & Ross?  If Chronicle Managing Executive Editor Phil Brownstein or the supposedly muckrakers of the SF Weekly, East Bay Express, San Francisco Bay Guardian cabal had a real journalist’s hearts or at the very least an eye on circulation then their self interested desire to chase the most compelling and “juicy” stories to ground would have compelled them to followed the money and records of Your Black Muslim Bakery business and real estate empires.  The messy domestic lives of Yusef Bey father and son alone should have had somebody with a little more juice than the single editor of a free ethnic weekly newspaper following this story.  And in doing so, the lone personage of Mr. Bailey would not have been such an isolated and easy (but ultimately foolhardy) murder target for the associates of Your Black Muslim Bakery.  Even to this day, the Chronicle dishonors one of its own by folding their coverage of the murder of Mr. Bailey into their tardy, superficial, and slightly hysterical coverage of the epidemic of murders related to gangs and/or drug traffic in Oakland over the last few years. Click here for SF Chronicle/SFgate.com series “Oakland: A Plague of Killing.”

To reiterate what I said at the beginning of this blog post, a revolutionary and martyr speaks truth to power in the hopes that the truth will liberate his/her people.  The truth will set you free, and it will sometimes get you crucified.

RIP Chauncey Bailey.

Pax Christi

Yet with all these smart people I am in contact with, including my helpful and available sponsor, there are so many “simple” Catholic ideas that are only now coming into grasping that it is worrisome.  For instance, the word repent.  Just today I came across a definition of repent(turn away from our sin) that I had never seen, or had seen, but never fully understood or so desperately needed to understand until becoming Catholic sharpened the obligation to understand Lent.  What is the Season of Penance?  What is the purpose?  I thought I knew last year, as I participated in Lent as a precatechumen (“Inquiry student” at our parish).  But as I met with my sponsor, and catechism class the last days of February, I realized that my understanding was immature and unformed.   I definitely was at sea over the the phrase “Penitential Season.”  Is Lent forty days of unrelieved psychic scourging and remorse?  Is this what characters in movies and television mean by “Catholic Guilt?”

Back to to the word “repent.”  Turning away from sin has a gentle yet firm sound; implying an insistence to leave the habits of mind that leads one to enter into sinful, self-loathing, or self-negating attitudes and acts.  Turn your back to them, and do not look back to see if it is gaining on you.  Which is a lot different that my previous conception of repent and repentance as a loud hammering into submission of evil.  Defeating evil intentions singly so that you can then turn back to God and ask forgiveness for entering into bad thoughts or deeds.  If defined or unconsciously thought of as an individualistic submission of sin, no wonder I would giggle at the word.  Or thrash about until defeated by attempts to reform. 

Penance alone (which I always felt was “a penalty… an act of self-mortification or devotion performed by way of demonstration contrition for sin”) as the remedy for sin could lead one to repeatedly committing of sinful acts.  There is not resolving for causes, or at most no guarantee that the attitudes and habits won’t be overcome.  Turns out penance has alternate definitions.  The Definition that bring me closer to Christ without being “soft” or unorthodox is alternate definition #3 in my dictionary:

“A feeling of sorrow for wrongdoing or sin prompting one to a firm purpose of amendment.”

When thought of that way (coupled with the better definition of “repent”), The Sacrament of Penance or Confession is not quite so paralyzing and shame-filled.  Of course, my parish priest Fr. Mark Wiesner noted that the Sacrament of Reconciliation should be thought of as “the demonstration of God’s infinite love and mercy, freely entered into.”  And so I do.  I love going to individual Confession, and the bi-annual Communal Sacrament of Reconciliation.  Because when I am done, I feel God’s presence (light, love, and lifting of my sin) in a tangible way that I have not ever felt before in my Christian life.  Wednesday night (March 7th), at our weekly RCIA session, Fr. Mark made his first appearance as class leader.  The topic was the Sacrament of Reconciliation (his preferred title).  Among the many explanations and definitions he presented to us, what struck me as most profound and loving was his explanation that this sacrament ”is not about you (penitent), or me (confessor)… Confession is about God and his love and forgiveness for us.” 

Armed with definitions, or better definitions, Lent, penance, penitential do not seem quite so penal, or potentially futile.  Contrition and Absolution makes the Sacrament of Confession a holistic celebration, and not merely a “shame-fest” or “pity party.”  Season of Lent as a preparation for baptism (actively washing away sin and entering into a state of grace); as a time of meditating and contemplating your wretchedness so that eventually you can turn your back on sinfulness, and offer it to God (in the Sacred Heart of Jesus) in exchange for salvation, hope, faith and charity; as a period to contemplate and revel in the depth of God’s love for me.  Quite a bargin.  Quite a forty days.  AMDG

Witnessing and taking part in Eucharistic Adoration at Triduum (2006) was what showed me the the Real Presence was not merely a doctrine to learn and believe, or finesse; but astoundingly a physical actuality.  The Real Presence was not a metaphor (or  meta-metaphor), but a physical actuality.  I was still in the Inquiry (pre-catechumenate to the more orthodox/traditional/formal of our brethren) phase of my conversion journey, but attending Mass every Sunday and doing my best to strictly observe the Lenten Obligations of my new life.   The Real Presence in the Eucharist was to me at that time was a concept; a concept I was having trouble fully grasping intellectually and spiritually.  I  first I thought that it was a “super metaphor”  then I was concerned because the consecration of the host would mean that at every mass we witness a miracle;  A miracle on command at that.”  A little too Oral Roberts for me.  The notion (first heard March 2006) that Eucharist was the body and blood, soul and divinity of Christ inched me closer but I was still miles away from completely holding the doctrine in my heart.    

Witnessing Eucharistic Adoration was a very beautiful and powerful experience.  The communal experience of Adoration left me literally speechless.   I am all the way there with it now.

Speaking of literal, this experience made me realize that despite my protestations while a Protestant I am much more of a literalistic in my Christianity that I thought. 

During my catechumenate journey, I have been as fascinated by gestures and sacramentals as by the creeds, dogmas, devotions and doctrine.  My sponsor was indulgent with this part of my inquiry and formation for a while, but he finally insisted during one of our breakfast meetings in December 2006 that I find the next and closet Benediction in our diocese and attend.   Now understand that Oakland/Berkeley is a dense and diverse metropolitan city.  Mass is said in a variety of languages, in a smorgasbord of liturgies. The Diocesan Directory was a little unclear (are Benedictions synonymous with “First Friday?”… Eucharist Adoration?) There is a regular Benediction available, but the closest parish to me and my bicycle/bus-access-only self (trust me, I will elaborate in future posts) is St. Margaret Mary on the top of a formidable hill.  To make it even more daunting for the average disabled catechumen, St. Margaret Mary is an affiliate of the Institute of Christ the King Sovereign Priest.  To translate,  they celebrate mass in English and the Traditional Latin (Roman Missal 1962 and Novus Ordo High Latin Mass 1953).  Read that again.  In Oakland, California (land of Huey Newton and Jerry Brown) there is a parish that offers two versions of the Traditional Latin liturgy on a regular basis. It is simultaneously thrilling and intimidating walking into St. Margaret Mary for mass (I took two semesters of Latin in college 25 years ago… on Pass/Fail basis).  

But I was not going to be deterred.  My mission was clear and pure:  I wanted to worship Christ in the Eucharist; pray and witness Benediction.  It was as close to partaking in Eucharist as I could get before Easter Vigil.  I had undeserved confidence in my vaguely remembered Latin vocabulary and pronunciations.  The hymns were beautiful, if hesitantly and pitch-shaky sung by priest and congregants.  The Communion Rail reminded me of my days at Carter Memorial AME Church in Fresno, California.  But mostly, I was struck (and remain struck) by the Presence of Christ in the monstrance, and the priest blessing us with the monstrance.  Bread became Christ, and blest us.  So now I make the daunting, thrilling trek to St. Margaret Mary once a month.  You are never a fish out of water in the presence of Christ.  And to get up the hill and into the church, to put yourself in the presence of Christ despite anxiety, as a new and forming catholic I have to constantly remind myself that I am not alone.  I have to remember that The Saints, Christ and the Holy Spirit are always with me, waiting to help.

The saints can preserve your cool.  Fellowship with my “family in the faith” provides me strength at all times and many situations. If I can just remember to call on them when troubled or stressed.   The Communion of Saints is a very comforting doctrine.   The broad principle, as stated at the New Advent online Catholic Encyclopedia, is enunciated as thus:

“Every pious and holy action done by one belongs and is profitable to all, through charity which seeketh not her own”.  

For me it means The Church is made up of all the Faithful Departed (living and dead; past present and future).  And they are available to help me; and I am available to help them.  I have to be present enough to remember to call on Christ, partake of the sacrament in time, and be eucharist to the world and the saints.

However, there is this fascinating world of the Roman Catholic Church on the internet that I have learned so much from during the past year, and I want to contribute to the discussion for those coming after me.  Plus there is this fascinating process of conversion, culture, and literature of religious conversion generally, and RCIA specifically.  Seeing the blog Vert made me want to contribute to this new literature/culture of internet Catholic Conversion/Reversion.  I hope that in future posts, the specific circumstances of my life and conversion will make readers feel the same way.

Two weeks to Ash Wednesday.  Then six more weeks until Holy Week and first Eucharist.  Anima Christi.  I leave you with this poem I wrote:

 Catechism

All joy, glory, praise, and worship

to the Son, the true good shepard.

No longer sleeping past nine

Now waking focused on studying,

Now waking focused on helping.

Talking to the divine

Within myself and all my fellow men, women, and children.

Asking for help, faith, counsel, and grace

Praying constantly, helping the most needy.

Eucharist to the world.  Each Day.  Every Day.

(copyright Jay W. Mitchell 2007)