For approaching a year now I have been sitting in RCIA class with doctors, carpenters, graphic artists, former educators, high school students… bright capable people all. With credentialed, bright, capable, enthusiastic, experienced teachers. And as Lent progresses, we enter the period of Scrutiny, Enlightenment, and Review. I have been told, and intuitively “know” that the journey will not end with Easter Vigil; that in many ways it is just beginning and there will be new principles to explore, and deeper knowledge of doctrines thought mastered. I understand all that.
Yet with all these smart people I am in contact with, including my helpful and available sponsor, there are so many “simple” Catholic ideas that are only now coming into grasping that it is worrisome. For instance, the word repent. Just today I came across a definition of repent(turn away from our sin) that I had never seen, or had seen, but never fully understood or so desperately needed to understand until becoming Catholic sharpened the obligation to understand Lent. What is the Season of Penance? What is the purpose? I thought I knew last year, as I participated in Lent as a precatechumen (“Inquiry student” at our parish). But as I met with my sponsor, and catechism class the last days of February, I realized that my understanding was immature and unformed. I definitely was at sea over the the phrase “Penitential Season.” Is Lent forty days of unrelieved psychic scourging and remorse? Is this what characters in movies and television mean by “Catholic Guilt?”
Back to to the word “repent.” Turning away from sin has a gentle yet firm sound; implying an insistence to leave the habits of mind that leads one to enter into sinful, self-loathing, or self-negating attitudes and acts. Turn your back to them, and do not look back to see if it is gaining on you. Which is a lot different that my previous conception of repent and repentance as a loud hammering into submission of evil. Defeating evil intentions singly so that you can then turn back to God and ask forgiveness for entering into bad thoughts or deeds. If defined or unconsciously thought of as an individualistic submission of sin, no wonder I would giggle at the word. Or thrash about until defeated by attempts to reform.
Penance alone (which I always felt was “a penalty… an act of self-mortification or devotion performed by way of demonstration contrition for sin”) as the remedy for sin could lead one to repeatedly committing of sinful acts. There is not resolving for causes, or at most no guarantee that the attitudes and habits won’t be overcome. Turns out penance has alternate definitions. The Definition that bring me closer to Christ without being “soft” or unorthodox is alternate definition #3 in my dictionary:
“A feeling of sorrow for wrongdoing or sin prompting one to a firm purpose of amendment.”
When thought of that way (coupled with the better definition of “repent”), The Sacrament of Penance or Confession is not quite so paralyzing and shame-filled. Of course, my parish priest Fr. Mark Wiesner noted that the Sacrament of Reconciliation should be thought of as “the demonstration of God’s infinite love and mercy, freely entered into.” And so I do. I love going to individual Confession, and the bi-annual Communal Sacrament of Reconciliation. Because when I am done, I feel God’s presence (light, love, and lifting of my sin) in a tangible way that I have not ever felt before in my Christian life. Wednesday night (March 7th), at our weekly RCIA session, Fr. Mark made his first appearance as class leader. The topic was the Sacrament of Reconciliation (his preferred title). Among the many explanations and definitions he presented to us, what struck me as most profound and loving was his explanation that this sacrament ”is not about you (penitent), or me (confessor)… Confession is about God and his love and forgiveness for us.”
Armed with definitions, or better definitions, Lent, penance, penitential do not seem quite so penal, or potentially futile. Contrition and Absolution makes the Sacrament of Confession a holistic celebration, and not merely a “shame-fest” or “pity party.” Season of Lent as a preparation for baptism (actively washing away sin and entering into a state of grace); as a time of meditating and contemplating your wretchedness so that eventually you can turn your back on sinfulness, and offer it to God (in the Sacred Heart of Jesus) in exchange for salvation, hope, faith and charity; as a period to contemplate and revel in the depth of God’s love for me. Quite a bargin. Quite a forty days. AMDG
