Now that my duties as co-chair of the Mardi Gras event at my son’s school are over for this year, I can throw myself into the discipline of posting my convert witness. No better place to start is not at the beginning, but with the things that are most foreign to us former Protestant Christians as we enter into the Church… the Seven Sacraments. The primordial sacrament of Eucharist, Eucharistic Adoration, and Benediction.
Witnessing and taking part in Eucharistic Adoration at Triduum (2006) was what showed me the the Real Presence was not merely a doctrine to learn and believe, or finesse; but astoundingly a physical actuality. The Real Presence was not a metaphor (or meta-metaphor), but a physical actuality. I was still in the Inquiry (pre-catechumenate to the more orthodox/traditional/formal of our brethren) phase of my conversion journey, but attending Mass every Sunday and doing my best to strictly observe the Lenten Obligations of my new life. The Real Presence in the Eucharist was to me at that time was a concept; a concept I was having trouble fully grasping intellectually and spiritually. I first I thought that it was a “super metaphor” then I was concerned because the consecration of the host would mean that at every mass we witness a miracle; A miracle on command at that.” A little too Oral Roberts for me. The notion (first heard March 2006) that Eucharist was the body and blood, soul and divinity of Christ inched me closer but I was still miles away from completely holding the doctrine in my heart.
Witnessing Eucharistic Adoration was a very beautiful and powerful experience. The communal experience of Adoration left me literally speechless. I am all the way there with it now.
Speaking of literal, this experience made me realize that despite my protestations while a Protestant I am much more of a literalistic in my Christianity that I thought.
During my catechumenate journey, I have been as fascinated by gestures and sacramentals as by the creeds, dogmas, devotions and doctrine. My sponsor was indulgent with this part of my inquiry and formation for a while, but he finally insisted during one of our breakfast meetings in December 2006 that I find the next and closet Benediction in our diocese and attend. Now understand that Oakland/Berkeley is a dense and diverse metropolitan city. Mass is said in a variety of languages, in a smorgasbord of liturgies. The Diocesan Directory was a little unclear (are Benedictions synonymous with “First Friday?”… Eucharist Adoration?) There is a regular Benediction available, but the closest parish to me and my bicycle/bus-access-only self (trust me, I will elaborate in future posts) is St. Margaret Mary on the top of a formidable hill. To make it even more daunting for the average disabled catechumen, St. Margaret Mary is an affiliate of the Institute of Christ the King Sovereign Priest. To translate, they celebrate mass in English and the Traditional Latin (Roman Missal 1962 and Novus Ordo High Latin Mass 1953). Read that again. In Oakland, California (land of Huey Newton and Jerry Brown) there is a parish that offers two versions of the Traditional Latin liturgy on a regular basis. It is simultaneously thrilling and intimidating walking into St. Margaret Mary for mass (I took two semesters of Latin in college 25 years ago… on Pass/Fail basis).
But I was not going to be deterred. My mission was clear and pure: I wanted to worship Christ in the Eucharist; pray and witness Benediction. It was as close to partaking in Eucharist as I could get before Easter Vigil. I had undeserved confidence in my vaguely remembered Latin vocabulary and pronunciations. The hymns were beautiful, if hesitantly and pitch-shaky sung by priest and congregants. The Communion Rail reminded me of my days at Carter Memorial AME Church in Fresno, California. But mostly, I was struck (and remain struck) by the Presence of Christ in the monstrance, and the priest blessing us with the monstrance. Bread became Christ, and blest us. So now I make the daunting, thrilling trek to St. Margaret Mary once a month. You are never a fish out of water in the presence of Christ. And to get up the hill and into the church, to put yourself in the presence of Christ despite anxiety, as a new and forming catholic I have to constantly remind myself that I am not alone. I have to remember that The Saints, Christ and the Holy Spirit are always with me, waiting to help.
The saints can preserve your cool. Fellowship with my “family in the faith” provides me strength at all times and many situations. If I can just remember to call on them when troubled or stressed. The Communion of Saints is a very comforting doctrine. The broad principle, as stated at the New Advent online Catholic Encyclopedia, is enunciated as thus:
“Every pious and holy action done by one belongs and is profitable to all, through charity which seeketh not her own”.
For me it means The Church is made up of all the Faithful Departed (living and dead; past present and future). And they are available to help me; and I am available to help them. I have to be present enough to remember to call on Christ, partake of the sacrament in time, and be eucharist to the world and the saints.
